Isaiah 58
I spoke out and said, “Representing your earthly dad, will you forgive me for all the horrible things I’ve done to you?” It was important for him to hear the words that his own father would never say. Daniel cried out, [crying] “I really do want to be free from this, [crying] but I don’t know how.”
I was looking in my rear view mirror at a college student who was in my 15 passenger van, as we returned home from Mexico. We had just finished a training weekend in Mexicali for our volunteer student team leaders from the university.
Having crossed the border into Calexico, California, there was at least 4 more hours to drive up to the Los Angeles area and our final destination of Azusa, California. As we were driving past fields of produce I looked in my rear view mirror and Jesus just kept pouring out words to me. Words were given one after the other to each student starting in the back row of the van.
You’re probably wondering why I was so bold to pray and speak over each student. When it was time to leave Mexico, these students rushed to pick my van. I even warned them as they got in and said, “Are you sure you want to ride with me?” There were several vehicles to choose from and they eagerly chose my van. Many other students avoided me and got into the other vans.
After more than an hour of giving encouraging words to each student, I finally got to a student I’m calling Daniel.
He just couldn’t even speak a word. The pain and emotion was so intense. I asked Jesus in my mind what to do next, and heard thoughts to have him practice saying the words.
I said, “Daniel, let’s do a practice. I will ask you again to forgive your dad, and you don’t have to mean what you say. It’s just a practice. Hear yourself say the words at least. Start with a simple phrase like, I forgive my dad.”
Daniel couldn’t say it as a practice. He couldn’t even say just the word, yes. He just cried. I waited for him, and then asked if he wanted to continue. He said he did.
I asked Daniel not to share intimate or personal details in front of the students, because it wasn’t necessary. This wasn’t a counseling session. Our goal was to forgive and not hold the burden any longer.
I asked Jesus in my mind what to do next. Thoughts entered my mind and I asked Daniel several questions and then I said, “Daniel, it’s not your responsibility to make sure your dad is punished for what he has done to you. It’s not your responsibility to hold onto these memories as an eyewitness.”
I continued and said, “Jesus is the one who punishes your father and He is the one who sees and records everything.
If your dad humbles himself and asks for forgiveness, Jesus might show mercy and not punish him as severely as he deserves, but that is for Jesus to decide.”
Daniel willfully had taken on the burden to be in the position of judge. This is such a heavy burden to carry, and it required that he remain the witness who could testify to all the evils.
As the victim, he was also carrying the pain and burden of what was taken from him. His carefree childhood wasn’t carefree. There was no peace when his dad was around.
So, the practice didn’t work. I asked Jesus once again what to do. I heard the thought, “Have him ask me for the strength to say the words as a practice.”
Daniel and I prayed that God would give him the strength right then to forgive his dad. I was driving past Palm Springs and now on the freeway going west into the Los Angeles area.
So, he prayed for strength. That was a step forward. Then, I responded, “Daniel, does God immediately answer that prayer for strength?”
Daniel looked at my eyes in the rearview mirror. I had turned it enough to see his face as I talked to him. He hesitated and thought about it, but wasn’t sure.
I said, “Jesus, wants you to be free and He always answers that prayer for strength to forgive. You have the strength from Jesus to forgive, but now you have to just decide for yourself if you will do it today or not. Even if you aren’t ready to forgive today, that’s ok. It’s not the end of the process. Jesus will continue to fight for your freedom.”
He said he would give it a try again. I confirmed that we were starting with just a practice and the phrase, “Yes, I forgive my dad.”
He slowly swallowed and began to speak with a broken and delayed stutter, and said the phrase, yes, I forgive him.
There were several burdens. First, there was the burden put on Daniel by the abuses of his dad. Second, there was the burden on Daniel for taking the position of judge. Third, there was the burden on Daniel for not forgiving.
Did Daniel, actually forgive his dad that day? Probably not, but it was a beginning. Did his burdens get lifted off of him that day? The bonds were loosened a little. There was relief, like Isaiah 58 talks about.