We are talking about how husbands should submit to their wives.

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Ephesians 5:21 “…and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.”

“In the fear of Jesus” means wives and husbands are to submit to Jesus first. If the husband asks the wife to sin, the answer is “no”. If the wife asks the husband to sin, the answer is “no“.

“Be subject to one another” means wives submit to husbands, and husbands submit to wives. Each person submits first to Jesus as Master, then submits or serves their spouse. Apostle Paul’s theme for this section about husbands and wives is about how they are to submit to each other. Verse 21 should not be ignored.

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Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loves the church and gave Himself up for her,”

“love your wife, just as Jesus loves the church” He should love her, like Jesus loves her. Obviously, this is not romantic love. This love of the wife is compared to loving the church. Jesus loves the men and women of His church. How did He demonstrate that love for us? He came to serve us. The husband should serve his wife like Jesus serves the church.

“and gave Himself up for (the church)” The husband should love his wife and give himself up for her like Jesus did. Jesus came to serve and give His life up sacrificially on the cross. Philippians 2:6-8 says that Jesus is equal with God, but did not hold on to His titles when He emptied Himself to become a human bond-servant and willfully die on the cross for the men and women who will follow Him. The husband is to empty himself by not holding on to the title of “head of the marriage”, and become a bond-servant who willfully chooses to die to himself to serve his wife. Husbands who do this look like Jesus.

Prayer coaching: “Jesus, help me love my wife and give myself up for her like You did for the church. Help me to serve her like You serve the church. Help me lay down my title as head of the marriage and serve my wife, so that I look like You, Jesus.”

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Ephesians 5:26 “so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,”

“so that (Jesus) might sanctify (the church)” The word “sanctify” means to be separated from the world and be bound to Jesus. Jesus in His sacrifice draws to Himself the men and women of His church. If the husband willfully does not use his title as “head of the marriage” and dies to himself to serve his wife, she will be drawn to him and believe him. As the husband follows the example of Jesus’ sacrifice, his wife will see more clearly what Jesus has done for those who follow Him. If you want to win your wife over to Jesus, this is the way to do it.

Prayer coaching: “Jesus, use my sacrifice to give myself up for my wife in order to set my wife apart from the world and draw her closer to You.”

“having cleansed (the church) by the washing of water with the word” Jesus’ sacrifice cleanses the men and women who follow Him. Jesus cleanses us and gives us God the Holy Spirit to live inside us forever. In John 14:26 Jesus says the Holy Spirit will teach us. In Titus 3:5 it says that Jesus saves us and the Holy Spirit washes and renews us. The Holy Spirit’s presence in us is like a washing with water. As the husband follows the example of Jesus’ sacrifice, his wife might see that Jesus can cleanse and wash away all her sin and renew her by the Holy Spirit living inside her.

Prayer coaching: “Jesus, use my sacrifice to give myself up for my wife in order to help her be clean and wash away all her sin and renew her by the Holy Spirit living inside her.”

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Ephesians 5:27 “that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless.”

“that (Jesus) might present to Himself the church in all her glory” Jesus’ sacrifice cleanses the men and women who follow Him. We stand in Jesus’ presence with all the glory of the Holy Spirit inside us. As the husband gives himself up for his wife, his wife will see his example. She will be more willing to follow Jesus into His presence with all the glory of the Holy Spirit inside her.

Prayer coaching: “Jesus, use my sacrifice for my wife so that she will be more willing to stand in Your presence with all the glory of the Holy Spirit inside her.”

“having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she be holy and blameless” What purpose is there for the husband to willfully not use his title as “head of the marriage” and die to himself to serve his wife?As the husband follows the example of Jesus’ sacrifice, he might see his wife stand in Jesus’ presence without any spot or wrinkle, holy and blameless.

Prayer coaching: “Jesus, use my sacrifice for my wife so that she can stand in Your presence without any spot or wrinkle, holy and blameless.”

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Ephesians 5:28-30 “So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.

“love their own wives as their own bodies” Husbands should love their wives as equals, both being part of one body. He should love her as he loves himself.

“cherish and nourish” In the same way that Jesus nourishes and cherishes the men and women of the church, the husband also should nourish and cherish his wife.

Prayer coaching: “Jesus help me love my wife as my equal, and love her as myself. Help me to cherish her and give her spiritual food from You.”

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Ephesians 5:33 “Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife [must see to it] that [she] respects her husband.”

“love his wife even as himself” As each husband loves his wife as himself, his wife will respect him as her husband. The idea of loving his wife as himself is connected to the idea of a wife that respects her husband. Paul’s intent is to connect both thoughts together. The words [must see to it] and [she] are not in the original text. The last phrase reads “and the wife that respects her husband.” Respect is not mandatory as the phrase “must see to it” declares, because that phrase isn’t in the text. If the husband loves his wife like he loves himself, his wife will respect him for his faithfulness. I’m going to ask for forgiveness again on behalf of the translators for including this phrase, “must see to it”. At least they acknowledge it wasn’t in the original text.

Prayer coaching: “Jesus help me love my wife as myself and earn by my actions her choice to respect me.”